so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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