Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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