I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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