Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
