cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
