smell my finger.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
