dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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