Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
