Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
