That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
