why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We are two peas in an std pod
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
