If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
His hands were made for my vagina.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
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