Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
