i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
