Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
