Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
