goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
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