Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
