Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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