A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
