I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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