Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
