The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
