So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
