Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
