There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
