READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
