I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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