just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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