guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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