Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
