omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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