East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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