Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
