He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
