were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
