only if we run a train.
done.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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