Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
