Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
