if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
