when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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