I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
