well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
