I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
