No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
