Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
