I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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