don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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