i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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