This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
