I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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