I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
